Most women have experienced abuse at some point in their lives, even if they weren’t physically wearing their scars they still were existing. In fact verbal abuse has more of an impact than physical abuse. During physical abuse you are controlled by fear. Emotional abuse breaks a persons spirits, it changes a persons thinking and perspectives. Physical wonds heal, emotional wounds could last a lifetime. Most of the time, though, physical and emotional abuse go hand and hand.
Often times people believe abuse can only come from a partner, when in fact a parent, sibling, friend, uncle, cousin, authority figure, ANYONE can be an abuser. Most likely this abuse comes in the form of emotional abuse, although, it could also include physical or sexual abuse.
Children that have experienced abuse are normally insecure, withdrawn, are anti-social, have low self-esteem and no confidence, show destructive dehavior, and are defiant. The abuser can rule by intimidation, fear, and helplessness. Requesting impossible demands and attacking the victim physically or verbally. When a child is verbally abused they are withdrawn from their parent and/or the abuser. They don’t feel good enough, and can begin to blame themselves. They may try to avoid confrontation. They may do everything expected or demanded by them. In return, the abuser will still find faults in their efforts and attack them. A child that is being abused often times wonders why they don’t “deserve” affection, this makes the victim begin to magnify every little sign of affection the abuser shows. These things can cause a child to experience depression and may lead to suicide or suicide attempts. When the victim becomes an adult they may experience drug usage, drinking, depression, abuse of their own children, and low self-esteem.
Both men and women can be abusers. Women often times participate in verbal abuse as much as men. Women can demolish a man’s confidence by attacking him in ways that make him feel like less of a provider, lover, parent, or protector. Men place fear upon their victims, so that they fear physical violence, isolation, or violence placed upon the ones they love. Women rule by shame and men rule by fear. It is easier to rule by fear than shame.
Most of the time verbally abused men don’t live in shame but unhappiness.
During the process of abuse the abuser uses manipulation in order to “control” the victim. In the beginning of the relationship the abuser may seem loving, sincere, and maybe even perfect. Once the first abusive encounter occurs it is followed by the honeymoon stage, where forgiveness is asked for and the abuser attempts to “make up” for the abuse. Everything appears to go back to normal between the victim and abuser. Then, eventually the abuse returns and continues in a cycle reoccurring more frequently. This usually happens in physically abusive relationships rather than verbally abusive relationships.
Also, the abuser steals the victims confidence. Making them believe they are “unworthy”, “unattractive”, “incompetent”, “undesirable” and even “crazy” or “insane”. The abuser will isolate the victim so that they feel like they “need” the abuser. Restricting interaction with family and friends and maybe even controlling finances and restructing the victim from having a job. It is very difficult to get pass these beliefs and the victim may battle these emotions and beliefs for years after the abuse has stopped.
Most likely if a child has witnessed abuse in their homes, if they are males, they mimick the abusive behavior, if they are females, they find themselves in abusive relationships.
The only way to get past abuse is to seek help and visit a therapist.
If you are in an abusive relationship please seek help, believe me I know the fear and emotions that come along with abuse. You are not alone, it is not your fault, and you are worth more.
To seek help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799− SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
I hope this helps someone some where. Stay in prayer, in touch with your religious beliefs, reach out to God, and reach out to family, friends, and a therapist for support.
Don’t be silent, speak out.